Sometimes I get out a piece of paper (instead of a keyboard) and start jotting down my thoughts in a mad frenzy. Recently I wrote out some thoughts on what it means for me to be a Decider in the Objective Personality System that I thought might be helpful for better understanding what that is like for me as an Fe/Se ExxJ.
My notes
De Savior – I want to align on decisions and feel responsible to do so to an extreme degree that sacrifices the self. I need to compromise with the group. My one voice is just one voice in the crowd. It isn’t allowed to matter more than others.
Di Demon – I don’t trust it and it needs validated by others before I can trust it. A longing to please others comes from a desire to be something which aligns/builds connections with others. I am shaping my identity in a way that I think will be acceptable. To some extent that is a good thing, but in many ways I am limiting who I can be until someone tells me it is okay… and that is not okay.
Double Observing – A powerful ability which has some downsides. I can use it to avoid thinking more critically than I might otherwise. I can guess and then see if it holds true over time rather than actually slowing down and thinking something through the whole way. Sometimes I have to really sit and understand where I think things are going and I can’t always balance things out by checking. This is particularly tricky when I need to make a decision for myself about the direction my life is going.
My Triggers – People and systems getting in the way of me doing “what I’m good at”. I want to work on my narrow and specific NT that I feel that I have mastered and when others ask me to do something outside of that or something comes up that I wasn’t prepared for, I have to slow down and figure things out again instead of being able to deliver more immediate value to others (Se + Fe).
Sharing my Ti – Wanting to share what makes sense to me with others. Wanting to help others understand things because it was difficult for me and I want to help them. Not wanting to be totally alone with my Ti, but share it and allow others to gain value from it. (looks at this article and website)
Seriousness about Correctness – Asserting your truth is a big deal. I need to be able to support it and back it up. How do I know for sure? I want others to validate that I’m on the right track, but sometimes there is a lot of complexity and you need to walk them through it to have them check your work. Like writing a mathematical proof.
Explaining Myself – In High School, my girlfriend thought Magic the Gathering (a card game) was for kids. I disagreed and stood my ground, but I still felt the need to “prove her wrong” and “convince her” because I wanted her to see my truth. I didn’t want to be judged unfairly and felt that I had good enough reasons to explain myself. A responsibility to explain why what I’m doing isn’t wrong.
Sidelining my own stuff – My responsibility to my saviors (Fe/Se) gets in the way of me doing “NT” (Ni/Ti). I’m willing to put aside my demons whenever a call to do my saviors is heard. If someone expresses that they need my help with something, but I’m trying to work through something for myself, I have to put it down and come back to it later. Even if I tell them no and they don’t even seem that upset about it, I sometimes have this nagging feeling that I need to leave what I’m doing and it makes it hard to concentrate again.
That’s all folks
Hopefully you learned something getting inside this old decider’s head for a little bit. Hopefully it doesn’t sound like I’m too trapped in my own head because in a way we all are. This is simply the way in which I am and by learning about it and understanding it I can determine when these patterns are not serving me. There is a balance to this, but I need to remind myself, through practices much like this, that I am focusing too much on the De side of things. Until next time…
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Subjective Personality 